Living Vessels of Dead Spirits
by Frosted Landscapes
Summary: "And as every parent is after the passing of their child, we are dead also. What is left within us is blood in the veins that once held hope and joy. We do not live; instead, exist only to bear the pain and the brunt of the rude reminder every waking moment that our son is gone." A story on how the suicide of the Fire Nation Prince brings sorrow to his parents. ZukoxKatara


Katara's hand falls into mine. For the first time tonight, she has stopped crying in favor of shutting her eyes. Her calm seems to be tentative, although, as a father grieving in the wake of the discovery of his son's limp body, and someone tired beyond words, I see it rather appropriate that my wife should finally rest.

For someone who bears the title 'Fire Lord Zuko, Keeper of Peace and Father of Hope', I sure am currently a very sorry excuse for a man who is supposed to guard the ideals of his people. There had never been a moment when I felt more broken that I did the moment my younger son ran into mine and Katara's chambers screaming hysterically. The confusion that flooded the air around us and the sudden rising of panic that coursed through mine and Katara's minds must have scared our son.

I must say, however that when we rushed into Sakai's room, and discovered him hanging from the ceiling, my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. The guards rushed into his chambers, calling for help and rushing here and there. All my wife, Katara could do was stare teary-eyed at the Fire Prince, her first born son. It was then left to me to burn away the rope that held him from his neck.

Sakai fell into my arms, his body was still warm. He mustn't have carried out the hanging for much time before we found him. Falling onto my knees, my voice came out hoarse and sad as I cried for a doctor for my son. Katara withdrew some water from a glass beside his bed and encased her hand within the liquid.

Katara has always been the stronger parent. She loves our sons fiercely but did not succumb to fluster even while staring danger in the eye. She was careful not to compress Sakai's previously noosed neck as she placed her hands on it. A heartbeat passed, a moment went and hope diminished… but then, there was a glow, a brilliant light and then coughing.

Her eyes lit up as Sakai's eyes opened slowly. I felted relief as I pulled him into my arms and kissed his forehead. My hand rested on his cheek as I brushed away the light moisture from his skin. For a moment, there was a little confusion in the sapphire spheres of his eyes. He looked like a child in need in those seconds and far from the strong and brave young man Katara and I had raised him to be. Then, there was vague resolution on his features as he drew a deep breath. His head dropped to the side and there was silence.

I was reluctant to accept it then, but I knew, in the confines of my sobbing heart, that my son was gone. He was dead. I can it say it quite easily now, although, I'm sure the mere mention of the word would be a sorry reminder of how short and unrewarding my boy's life was.

I didn't move for some moment, and neither did my wife nor younger son. There was commotion as shouting guards, nurses and physicians tried desperately to retrieve the young man's consciousness from the palm Hades. It was half a candle mark later that the physician gave up on saving him and declared my son dead. The cry that came from her lips was that of a mother who didn't know if she could live on after the death of her child.

Katara began screaming hysterically as she pulled the boy from my arms in hers and shook him violently. She yelled at him and demanded that he wake up, that he look at her. Itaru, my younger boy was frightened by this as he tugged on his mother's robe. She didn't respond, just pressed her head against Sakai's and wept. The physician, nurses and all the guards in the room bowed lowly out of respect for my son.

I wanted so much to curl up into a ball, like a child, and cry for my loss. But I needed to be the strong one. Agni knows that I needed to be strong for all of us. I pulled Katara into my arms and pressed a kiss to her temple. She didn't stop crying, just bawled into my chest.

We remained like that for sometime after.

Now, my shoulders are stiff from lack of rest, although, I do not move for fear of disturbing Katara who has her head placed on my arm. The royal investigators have combed the palace for anything suspicious. They have interviewed all the palace staff and explored every possibility. It was difficult on their part, the manner in which they tried to find evidence that the crown prince's life not taken by suicide.

We all knew, nonetheless, that it was.

Every soul in close proximity to my family knows that Sakai was deeply depressed after he began his research on the atrocities committed by his own people during the hundred-year war. He ate markedly less and awoke often to voices he claimed to hear. In the darkest days of his life, I was working like a horse, going for meetings with my ministers and visiting with foreign dignitaries. Aang, mine and Katara's close friend and Sakai's firebending master, pointed out the prince's loss in weight or the emptiness in his eyes.

I was overseas with Katara at a conference held by the Earth King when we received word from the Avatar who had chosen to take a pass on the event. The prince had woken one night and wandered to the monk's quarters, begging that he let him in because he claimed that there were spirits following him.

Everything went downhill from there.

I press my lips to the crown of Katara's head as said Fire Lady smiles gently and opens her eyes. There is a moment of loving happiness radiating from my wife's eyes as she squeezes my hand in hers and tells me she loves me. The contented joy that was apparent then, died away quickly as she realized that we are now living in a moment where we have one less son. She turns away suddenly and sighs.

I shake my head and allow my hand to be laid on her cheek. Her tears are warm tracks of moisture that flow freely from the blue orbs that once would reflect nothing but joy.

"Katara," I say slowly. I am careful to give her nothing but comfort. Knowing that at this point, neither of us has much fight left, I press my lips to hers. I have never been one good with words. But I know Katara understands me so that no words need be exchanged. My hand comes up to stroke her cheek as I pull away slowly. "Smile, Katara. You know he always wanted us to be happy. You know as well as I do that our son never wanted anything more than for us to be proud of him."

"Zuko," Katara shakes her head, her eyes berating me. "He _killed himself_. That is nothing to take pride in." I sigh softly and try to explain myself but she doesn't let me. "I have never had any reason not to be proud of our son Zuko," Katara says and holds my hand in hers. "He was always brave, knowing how a prince should act. He was responsible… he cared for and loved us dearly. But that night, when he selfishly took his life… he was no son of mine." The words that come from her mouth are so cold and unlike her.

The Katara I love would never say something like that. Our sons are her world. She would do anything for them. She loves them unconditionally. Yet, here she is, her eyes icy and her lips set in a scowl.

"Katara… surely you don't mean that…"

"I don't know anymore, Zuko. All I know, is that he was selfish. He didn't think for either of us, or his little brother. He didn't care. And now… all that is left of him is his cold, dead body lying on that funeral pyre, waiting to be cremated. All I know now is that I have failed as a mother in raising my son and that he failed me… failed us all." She takes in a deep breath. I search for something to say, to comfort her, to restore our son's reputation in her eyes but I cannot help but feel for her. She has just spoken what I know to be true. In taking his life, Sakai has unknowing taken ours too.

A guard knocks on the door and bows deeply before the Fire Lady and I.

"It is time my Lord and Lady," he tells us. "The Fire Sages are ready for the ceremony," he says and exits swiftly, bowing again before he goes.

I stand and offer a hand to Katara. She looks up at me, pauses a moment and takes it. She stands also and I kiss her on the temple once more before we make our way down to the balcony. At the sight of our son lying dead at the altar, Katara begins sobbing and turns into my body, pressing her eyes to my shoulder. I pull back and signal for my Uncle to address the crowd of Fire Nation citizens and Water Tribesmen. He does so with such calmness, as he speaks with solemn words.

It doesn't escape me though, that his voice quivers a little at the mention of Sakai's name. After his address, I maneuver Katara such that we both are standing on the right side of our son's body. And then, we bow, with Itaru kneeling before his brother. The child is stronger than I would give him credit. Everyone in the country knows how much Itaru adored his brother. We stand upright again. A moment passes before Katara places her hand on his head. I hold her as she shakes and trembles, leading her away so that the sages might light the pyre. The raw sorrow in her eyes and the desperation in her cries do not escape anyone as she falls on her knees and sends a prayer to the spirits.

And then… it is over. I quickly hoist her into my arms and bring her into the palace, trying my best not to let her see the charred remains of our son. She does, however. From that day on, she never returns to normalcy, spending her time in his room, holding his pillow in her hands and pressing her nose to the cushion. I join her sometimes, even though I can hardly bear to stay longer than a candle mark.

And as every parent is after the passing of their child, we are dead also. What is left within us is blood in the veins that once held hope and joy. We do not live; instead, exist only to bear the pain and the brunt of the rude reminder every waking moment that our son is gone.

oXoXoXoXoXo

 **A/N: A short piece on how a family would fall apart in the wake of suicide.**


End file.
